Another way into Heavenly Host
by Kizoya
Summary: Another way into Heavenly Host... Perfectly normal. Maybe. Rated T for coarse language. Ships: Yuka x Toilet
1. To Heavenly Host!

One day in some random High School, this class rep called Ayumi decided to tell some of her classmates about a horror legend.

"On a rainy day, this bitch teacher be walking down the stairs. She tried a cartwheel on the steps, but ended up breaking her neck and died. Stupid as shit, man," Ayumi was saying. "Then this janitor happened to be walking by. He grinded her body into creamy blood shit, added sugar, and tried to eat her. Of course, it tasted bad just like the principal's hair, so he stuffed her into a power ranger costume and left it by the stairs."

"Ew, what the fuck. That janitor is more messed up than Seiko,' Naomi said.

"Eat my soft toy Barney, you shit of a cabbage," hissed Seiko.

"Shut the fuck up, people. Let her continue," Mayu screamed and pulled down her hairband, unleashing a broom. Morishige grabbed the broom and started to munch on it. "Tastes like my Mom's shower cap."

"Ye, anyway, some idiots said that the power ranger roams the hallway around 7 pm. 'Bout time now. We gotta get his autograph," Ayumi barked and spat a glob of jelly onto Satoshi's face. Satoshi recoiled and slurped up the jelly. Then he neighed and turned into an alicorn from My Little Pony. The purple one, to be exact.

"Don't fuck with me! I'm Twilight Sparkle and I can mess you up good!" Satoshi neighed once again.

Ayumi stood up and smashed a table. "You want to fight?" She shaved off half of Yoshiki's hair and shoved it into Morishige's face. "Yay or Nay, bitch?"

Satoshi neighed an angry neigh and trotted towards Ayumi. "Yay, you disgrace to ponies!" He shouted. Ayumi scowled. "You're getting it!" She jumped up, performed a cartwheel, and landed on Naomi's nose. There was a cracking sound, and Naomi's nose fell off, revealing a piece of gum. Seiko grabbed it and ate it. Ayumi fell onto the floor, but before that, she transformed into a hole puncher and punched two gigantic holes in the floor. Turned out Ayumi's paper doll stuffed under her armpit had had enough and decided to send her to the depths of hell. Together with her friends. And a red power ranger and Yuka.


	2. Encounter! Naomi and Seiko VS Sachiko

**Author's suggestion: Play 'Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers' while reading.**

Naomi woke up in a dark, gloomy classroom. She did not really care though, since she was actually a power ranger trainee. She walked around for a bit, vandalizing the tables and chairs with a laser in her pocket (it was included in her subscription to the power ranger training program). After some time, she found Seiko, woke her up, and together, they vandalized the classroom.

"This is fun," Seiko whispered. "Just like drawing on your ass."

Suddenly, a little girl riding a gorilla jumped up from a hole in the floor.

"My name is Sachiko, bitches!" The girl screamed and choked on some gorilla hair. The girls stepped back and gasped. Epic music plays in the background.

"This is awesome!" Seiko sighed.

"No!" Naomi glared at Seiko. "This is time for... GO GO POWER RANGERS! MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS!~~" A guy in a green costume walked up and shone white light on Naomi as she put on her yellow power ranger costume. Another guy in green costume switched on an iPod and started playing the power rangers theme song.

"I'm gonna bring justice to this world! Starting with you and that gorilla!" Naomi roared. Roar by Katy Perry plays in the background.

"What the- Dude, you new to this?" Naomi turned to the green guy handling the iPod. He nodded. "You don't play other songs. Stick to Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers."

Power ranger song resumes.

"Fuc- Right, I'm gonna kick your asses!" Naomi screeched like a dying horse.

"Nah you don't!" Sachiko screamed and smacked the gorilla on its ass.

"Ooh, that's sexy," Seiko whispered.

"Shush, pervert. This is a battle between the evil and the good," Naomi scowled. She raised her head and glared at Sachiko. "You going down, kid."

With a mighty yelp, Naomi pulled out her yellow saber made out of her enemies' teeth. Sachiko pulled out a gorilla-hair made knife out from her throat in response.

"YAAAAAAARRGGH!" Both of them shouted in unison.

Naomi somersaulted up and landed on the gorilla's nose. She swung her saber around, sending discs of yellow all around her. Sachiko blocked them with her knife, but the gorilla farted and Sachiko barfed. The yellow discs cut her stomach.

"Ugh, you shit!" Sachiko hissed. She started to spin at 50 miles per hour on the same spot and turned into a bucket of popcorn.

"Oh crap!" Naomi cried.

Popcorn started raining everywhere. Naomi jumped round and round, dodging every single piece of popcorn. A stray popcorn flew into Seiko's mouth and she turned into a chocolate bar.

"NO SEIKO! RAAAAAAARGH!" Naomi started raging. She bit off the right arm of the gorilla and spat it into the bucket of popcorn. The bucket exploded and tiny gorilla-arm shaped chocolates were sent flying in every direction. A piece hit Chocolate Seiko and she turned into a pink water bottle with a mouth.

"Lol," said Seiko.

The gorilla-arm chocolates gathered together and formed a gigantic Sachiko.

"Ahahahaha!"Sachiko chuckled, her face stuck on the roof of the school. "Ahh... fuck."

"Little children shouldn't cuss!" Naomi hollered and plucked off her mask, revealing more gum in her nose. The water bottle jumped up and snatched a piece of gum.

Instantly, the bottle grew back into Seiko. "Shall we?" she asked. Naomi nodded. Naomi reattached her nose. They pressed their nose tips together.

"Perverted-Saurus!" They shouted.

Hundreds of people in green costumes walked up and pointed their torches at the two of them. Their noses glowed, and the two girls turned into two gigantic perverted old man with their heads stuck on the roof just like Sachiko. The gorilla farted once again and Sachiko shrank back to her normal form. Seiko looked down to see what had happened but ended up stepping on the gorilla and Sachiko.

"Oops."


	3. Mayu

Mayu awoke in a dark and stinky hallway. She could not get herself to give a shit though. Unlike Naomi and Seiko, she was not a power ranger. She was just too cool to be one.

Mayu explored the hallway for a while, her eyes glowing with her epic coolness. Soon, she found an infirmary and figured that she should make it cooler by entering.

"What's up?" Mayu said with a deep and sexy voice as she entered. Immediately, 3 children glowing blue crawled out from under a bed.

"Hey! Wanna play with us?" A boy without an eye and a toungue somehow managed to say.

Mayu put on her sunglasses and stared down at him. Then, she pulled down her hairband and unleashed a tiger.

"Fuck off, you little shits," she growled and motioned the tiger to attack. The children screamed and ran around the infirmary frantically. A headless girl slammed into a shelf and turned into chicken pizza. The aforementioned boy picked up the pizza and screamed. He then turned into a puddle of honey.

Suddenly, Winnie the Pooh fell from the ceiling and licked up the honey. An eyeless girl jumped onto his head and started pounding on his eyes. Yoshiki suddenly appeared behind Pooh and started to break dance. Ayumi crawled out of a bed and started to tummy flop all over the place.

"Yeah bitches. This is what I call cool," Mayu said as she rode the tiger down the hallway.

Everyone in the infirmary stood up and looked in Mayu's direction. They saluted and all passed out because of her excessive coolness.


	4. Change! Ayumi's dreadful transformation!

Yoshiki and Ayumi sighed as Mayu rode off into the distance.

"I wish I was as cool as her," whispered Yoshiki as he silently touched the bald half of his head.

"Don't worry, you'll never ever be like her. In fact, I'm gonna be like her," Ayumi said and she smiled defiantly.

Winnie the Pooh finished the honey and got up from the floor. The girl on his back slid off and made a dent in the floor.

"Fat bitch," said Pooh as he flew back to his world.

"Fuck you," said the girl, struggling to get up.

Yoshiki walked over and extended a hand to help her up, but she pulled Yoshiki down with her and the floor beneath her gave away.

"Oops," Yoshiki said as he 'accidentally' let go of the girl's hand.

"Lol whatever, man," Ayumi barked, walking towards the chicken pizza. "We should eat this shit up."

Together, the ghost boy was devoured by two teenagers.

"I'm full," said Yoshiki. "But I want to eat Mayu's broom just like Morishige."

"Shut the fuck up. Give up on trying to be cool. You suck anyway."

All of sudden, Ayumi burped and ten pencils popped out of the floor.

"Holy shit! I can't believe it!" shouted Ayumi.

She pulled a piece of paper out from her left nostril and spread it across the floor in front of the pencils. The pencils came together and drew a picture of Mayu on a tiger.

"OH MY GOD!" Ayumi shrieked. "I KNEW IT! I WAS THE CHOSEN ONE! MAYU'S COOLNESS IS CALLING! I WILL FINALLY BE COOL!"

Yoshiki turned around to run, but was stopped by a red power ranger.

"THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING?" The red ranger screamed. "CAN'T YOU SEE THAT PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO CELEBRATE HERE? FUCKING RUDE SHITS."

Yoshiki apologised and gave the Ayumi the rest of his hair. Ayumi ate the hair and grew a blond Hitler moustache.

"Holy fuck!" The red ranger yelled as he pulled out his power sword. "Stay behind me, bald fella!"

Yoshiki jumped behind the ranger and slurped his suit. Hitler Ayumi glared at them and roared with a voice as manly as Mayu's.

Suddenly, all the walls shattered into tiny wooden drawers and Yuka and Satoshi appeared.

"I knew it!" said Satoshi as he morphed into Twilight Sparkle. "Yuka was sent to school to warn me about you. How smart of you to distract us with that red ranger!"

Yuka scowled and spat on the red ranger. Yoshiki smudged the spit all over the red ranger's back.

"Awesome massage," said the ranger.

Satoshi neighed and charged towards Hitler Ayumi. His horn glowed a glittery purple as he launched his secret attack.

"Magical Friendship 'Hurt-Like-A-Buttcheek-On-A-Stick' strike!" Satoshi cried out as his horn came into contact with Ayumi's moustache.

There was a second of silence. Then the moustache flickered and a powerful yellow light sparked and exploded. Satoshi was blown into Yuka but Ayumi was not affected at all.

"W-what...was that?" Satoshi muttered, morphing back into a human being.

Ayumi turned her sharp, deadly eyes onto him. "One does not simply question the moustache," she said.

Satoshi and Yuka gasped and their eyes were suddenly filled with tears and admiration. They stood up and saluted to her as she picked up Yoshiki and the red ranger and walked off into the distant hallway, the same direction Mayu went.

"Bro," said Yuka as she put on her shades. "I guess she wasn't that bad."

Satoshi nodded and looked into the distance. His eyes lost in the darkness. "Yes," a single tear rolled down his cheek. "She is truly magnificent."

They both stood up straight and bowed.


	5. The Seven Meets and Parts!

Mayu was casually riding her tiger down the hallway of Heavenly Host when she heard the footsteps of someone behind her. She stopped in her tracks.

"State your name," she bellowed. Her deep, manly voice pervaded the hallway.

The presence behind her shuddered and instantly presented itself before her. It was Ayumi carrying Yoshiki and a red power ranger.

"Oh," remarked Mayu. "It's you guys."

Ayumi swallowed hard and bowed down before her. "Please rate my coolness, senpai!"

Mayu pushed the brim of her shades up and stared intently on Ayumi's face. Silence lasted for a minute. "That moustache," Mayu finally said. "Is cool. I'd say 5/10. You have to work on your other aspects."

Tears flowed down Ayumi's cheeks. "Yes, senpai!" she cried out. Her eyes glowing with admiration.

They then continued their silent journey down the hallway. Soon, they reached the science lab.

Mayu raised her hand and the door of the science lab swung open. Two men in black suits wielding a shovel walked out and knelt before Mayu. Mayu cleared her throat and proceeded into the science lab.

"This is my temporary crib," said Mayu as she sat onto a golden throne at the end of the lab.

Ayumi broke down on the spot and her moustache fell off. All of Yoshiki's hair grew back. "Senpai," Ayumi cried out. "Please, teach me the ways of your coolness!"

Mayu tilted her head to a side and drank a litre of coffee using a thin straw. A cat walked up to her and farted rainbows.

"No," said Mayu.

"B-but why?" Ayumi cried even louder. Yoshiki and the red ranger gave her a pat on her shoulder.

"It's pointless, Ayumi," said the red ranger. "Coolness can only be epic when you have a manly voice and a tiger in your hair,"

Yoshiki silently nodded and shook his head. "That was what the drawing meant," he said assuringly.

Ayumi nodded and wiped off her tears. The three of them knelt down before Mayu and walked away.

Suddenly, the ceiling of the science lab fell down and with it, was Naomi and Seiko.

Mayu was carried out of the science lab by hundreds of ants wearing shades. Her lips curled into a smile as the two girls entered. She pulled out a water gun and sprayed Naomi in the face. Naomi's nose fell off and hundreds of gum dropped out.

There was a rumbling noise. Then a whole hoard of water bottles with mouths came running towards the pile of gum. Among them, was Satoshi and Yuka.

The gum was devoured in a matter of seconds by Seiko before anything could reach them. All of the water bottles groaned and evaporated. Satoshi and Yuka screamed in agony and belly flopped up and down the walls.

Seiko grinned sheepishly and burped out a cat which farted rainbows.

"Yes," Mayu said casually. "This is what cool is."

Then once again, she rode her tiger down the hallways.

Ayumi, Yoshiki and the red power ranger turned into cotton candy and were stuffed into a plastic bag by Naomi.

Seiko, Naomi, Satoshi and Yuka exchanged looks and swung the bag around while singing 'Merry Had A Little Lamb'.

Sachiko appeared suddenly and jumped into the plastic bag. The bag puffed into green water and a pig jumped up and snorted. It ran around the four of them ten times before screaming "mountain dew" in their faces. The pig then transformed into a red telly tubby and twerked everywhere. A bicycle dropped down from the ceiling and Ayumi, Yoshiki and the red ranger emerged on top of it. They then rode away while singing 'Over the Rainbow'.

Naomi, Seiko, Satoshi and Yuka grabbed the telly tubby and taped it onto a rocket launcher that Yuka had farted out. They all jumped onto the telly tubby and blasted off.

Kizami fell down from the ceiling and licked up all of the green water on the floor.


	6. Yuka's true form - Angel or Demon?

"Fuck you guys," Yuka sputtered, brushing off the dust on her shoulders. Behind her, laid a red telly tubby covered in bruises. Satoshi sighed and shook his head disapprovingly. "It's not our fault. You farted out the rocket launcher." At this, Yuka's eye lit up visibly behind her dark shades. Her fists clenched into a ball and her lips curled downwards. Her cool demeanour was quickly replaced by a hot, demonic aura.

"I'm pretty sure you never had your ass kicked inside out," Yuka hissed and a forked tongue slipped out of her mouth.

"What the fuck, Yuka? I'm your goddamn brother. You're supposed to not kill me," the boy-alicorn said. By now, he was already morphing.

"I. Don't. Give. A. Shit." Yuka stuck her index finger between the eyes of her brother alicorn and upon the impact, a spark was ignited and a huge ball of fire engulfed them both. Satoshi neighed painfully. His legs kicked around, struggling to extinguish the dreaded fire. Yuka smirked and a deep satanic growl escaped from her throat. A horn grew out of her forehead and she crimson beams shot out from her nostrils, propelling her up into the air. Her head crashed through the ceiling and a number of corpses fell down into the burning pit.

"Why?" The alicorn croaked, his body limp and barely living. "Why did you do this to me, Yuka?" The rhino girl grinned wildly, her lips stretching up to her horn, distorting her entire face. "Fuck." Black blood shot out from her lips, hitting her poor dying brother in the face.

The demonic blood seeped through her brother's skin, turning him into a pink unicorn. "Oh my pony," Satoshi whispered, his wounds suddenly healed. "Yuka! You...you made me into Pinkie Pie!" Satoshi stood up(on all fours), tears swelling in his large pink eyes. Yuka dropped to the floor. The horn shrunk into a pimple and her lips went back to normal. "Glad ya like it," she said. "Happy Birthday, bro."

Naomi and Seiko lifted the red telly tubby onto their shoulders and launched it into the distance. "That's the cannon. Congrats on this awesome gift," Seiko said, patting the weeping Satoshi on the back.

"You'll never know how much I wanted to become Pinkie Pie," the weeping boy weeped out weeds that were smoking weed. "Thanks so much, Yuka. You're the best sister ever." Yuka smiled and and ran her hand through her hair. The tuffs of hair on the sides of her head fell off, shaping a mohawk. "Ye," she replied. "I know I'm awesome."


	7. Who are you? - True Identity of Yoshiki

In a place far far far far away, a person by the name of Ayumi stood on the new polished toilet seat of Heavenly Host. Now, one might be wondering:"Why the IUERGBSVNOMORS is she tarnishing the goddess of dogs' gods?" Well, the answer is obvious. If you zoom in and look very very closely at her nostrils, you will realise that she has a tiny version of a zit growing there, ready to become a fully grown pimple and experience the cruel reality of getting popped by your homeland. This baby zit may seem to be something completely irrelevant to the story, but no. It's COMPLETELY relevant. Now, ready your Ayumi plushies, and hang on, as we venture into the story of Ayumi's baby zit.

2000 years divided by 2000 ago, Ayumi was Ayumi. 1 year later, Ayumi was still Ayumi, but her nostrils were not. On her nostrils, a newly born baby zit was given the name, Yoshiki. Every day, he was fed 5000 blackheads and 3 boogers(depends on how many times Ayumi digs her nose). In a matter of days, Yoshiki had become a full grown pimple. However, this was NOT good news. He had to risk every second of his life, praying for his safety as Right Index Finger, Ayumi's General, roams the oily terrain of his homeland, Ayumi's Face. Through lots and lots of praying, Yoshiki was able to live for around 2 days. Still, fate could never be avoided.

On a certain rainy day, Ayumi was walking home without an umbrella. Do not question why, this is just how things must go...

10 kilometres away from where Ayumi was, a bolt of lightning struck down a pigeon. This pigeon fell straight down into a shrine, where a certain girl by the name of Mayu was praying in. The impact sent the golden ball on the top of the bell that Mayu had just shook to roll off. The ball hit Mayu directly on the head, pushing her down into the floor of the shrine. The ball then bounced off her head, landing on the head of Seiko, who was sitting on the steps. Seiko sunk into the steps, and the ball bounced once again, flying in the direction of Naomi, who was sitting next to Seiko. Naomi, however, leaned back, swiftly avoiding the golden ball's wrath, but as the saying goes:"One does not simply escape from the Great Golden Ball.", the paintings behind Naomi fell onto her from the impact of the ball hitting the wall. Naomi's head crushed through the paintings. The girls stood/sat there motionless. "LOL gotta snapchat this." was the thought that went through each of their minds.

30 minutes later, Ayumi walked past the aforementioned shrine. Upon seeing the beautiful sight before her, she gasped and took out her phone to snap a picture. However, her phone decided to betray her. As Ayumi's hand slipped out of her pocket, the cold metal of her phone startled her, causing her to do a somersault midair. A rain drop struck onto Yoshiki in the act, and all that was left of him was an exploded, lifeless pimple on Ayumi's face.

In the Pimples' Paradise, Yoshiki sat(if pimples could sit). He knew he that his lifespan was never meant to be long, but he never knew that such a death would dawn upon him. "Why? I just wanted to grow a little bigger, live a little longer! So why?" Yoshiki cried and cried, or at least he tried(all that came out was oil). The God of Pimples, Pimpapa, was touched by Yoshiki's efforts in crying. He granted him life as a human in one condition - that he kills the goddess of dogs' gods.

Back to Heavenly Host, Ayumi was still standing on the goddess of dogs' gods. Yoshiki was returned to his original form not because he was cursed or something cliche like that, but because he was never one to do the dirty work. He had gained help from his homeland. BUT WAIT. What if I told you, that Ayumi was once a pimple? DUN DUN DUN...

**Author's Note: I'm back after 500 years. Thanks for waiting. Hope that you enjoyed Yoshiki's backstory!**


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